First of all, thank you to those who sent me Emails and left posts on this blog about my mom. My husband was wonderful to do this for me.
I was going through security at SeaTac airport last Thursday to see my mom, we knew the end was close...my cell phone rang and when I called my step-dad he let me know my mom had just passed. I sat for what seemed hours and cried. The flights seemed to take forever!
I do not know what to say. I am back home and trying to sort my feelings out in my mind! I went with my step-dad to the mortuary, he signed all the papers, there is no memorial or services at her request.
Walking into her home, I could feel the emptiness and then seeing the hospital bed sitting in the middle of the living room, I was overwhelmed. Friday, they picked up all the medical equipment and my step-father and I loaded a huge box of medical supplies that hadn't been opened and he took them to Hospice House. I remained behind...
I cleaned anything I could touch...doors, walls, dusted, scrubbed, I had to keep busy. A few neighbors came by, my family called and my brother arrived Friday evening and fixed an amazing Spaghetti dinner Saturday and left Sunday.
I don't know if I helped or not, but we kept busy....I ensured there would be certified copies of the papers he needed, we contacted social security, I contacted the cable company and negotiated a better rate for him with telephone service and unlimited long distance. His current company was very high priced and limited his calls.
We shopped for things he needed and cleaned some more! Her bathroom had medications in it that expired in 1997, 1998, etc. We placed them all in baggie and took the pills to a pharmacy for disposal...they knew my mom, they all cried...I got rid of old cosmetics, perfumes she never wore that were blackened by age and we laughed and cried.
We re-arranged furniture a bit,ate out on Valentines day...he was so lost without my mom and I cooked. We watched golf and NASCAR, the Olympics and talked.
At his request, we cleaned out most of her shoes and emptied her dresser drawers and packed clothing up to be donated to an organization that gives clothing away and not sells them. I packed up a box of her clothes to send home. I feel it important to take her clothing and make quilts out of them for my siblings.
We didn't go through her closets...her sweaters all neatly folded under her bed in huge plastic boxes or her jewelry she had collected at various shops on various summer road trips they took.
We cleaned file boxes out and tossed years of car registrations for cars that haven't been around in over 25 years.
We took drives through the trees and went to look at the lakes.
Yesterday, as I was dropped off at the airport, I wished I could have stayed. My step-father looked so frail, so sad and so lost. I hope he will get back into playing golf. I hope his landlady will allow him to continue to live in his home. I hope family will trickle in to visit.
Life goes on, but without our mothers, I am not sure how. Who do you call when you feel sick and need to hear mom? Who do you buy mothers day cards for? So many things swirling and churning in my mind!
Thank you is all I can say for your kindnesses!