Friday, February 19, 2010

What Does One Do Without A Mother?

First of all, thank you to those who sent me Emails and left posts on this blog about my mom. My husband was wonderful to do this for me.

I was going through security at SeaTac airport last Thursday to see my mom, we knew the end was cell phone rang and when I called my step-dad he let me know my mom had just passed. I sat for what seemed hours and cried. The flights seemed to take forever!

I do not know what to say. I am back home and trying to sort my feelings out in my mind! I went with my step-dad to the mortuary, he signed all the papers, there is no memorial or services at her request.

Walking into her home, I could feel the emptiness and then seeing the hospital bed sitting in the middle of the living room, I was overwhelmed. Friday, they picked up all the medical equipment and my step-father and I loaded a huge box of medical supplies that hadn't been opened and he took them to Hospice House. I remained behind...

I cleaned anything I could touch...doors, walls, dusted, scrubbed, I had to keep busy. A few neighbors came by, my family called and my brother arrived Friday evening and fixed an amazing Spaghetti dinner Saturday and left Sunday.

I don't know if I helped or not, but we kept busy....I ensured there would be certified copies of the papers he needed, we contacted social security, I contacted the cable company and negotiated a better rate for him with telephone service and unlimited long distance. His current company was very high priced and limited his calls.

We shopped for things he needed and cleaned some more! Her bathroom had medications in it that expired in 1997, 1998, etc. We placed them all in baggie and took the pills to a pharmacy for disposal...they knew my mom, they all cried...I got rid of old cosmetics, perfumes she never wore that were blackened by age and we laughed and cried.

We re-arranged furniture a bit,ate out on Valentines day...he was so lost without my mom and I cooked. We watched golf and NASCAR, the Olympics and talked.

At his request, we cleaned out most of her shoes and emptied her dresser drawers and packed clothing up to be donated to an organization that gives clothing away and not sells them. I packed up a box of her clothes to send home. I feel it important to take her clothing and make quilts out of them for my siblings.

We didn't go through her closets...her sweaters all neatly folded under her bed in huge plastic boxes or her jewelry she had collected at various shops on various summer road trips they took.
We cleaned file boxes out and tossed years of car registrations for cars that haven't been around in over 25 years.

We took drives through the trees and went to look at the lakes.

Yesterday, as I was dropped off at the airport, I wished I could have stayed. My step-father looked so frail, so sad and so lost. I hope he will get back into playing golf. I hope his landlady will allow him to continue to live in his home. I hope family will trickle in to visit.

Life goes on, but without our mothers, I am not sure how. Who do you call when you feel sick and need to hear mom? Who do you buy mothers day cards for? So many things swirling and churning in my mind!

Thank you is all I can say for your kindnesses!


Julie said...

Oh I am soo sorry to hear about your mom-here's a great big hug and caring thoughts for you

SandyQuilts said...

I am so sorry. Would you consider making a lap quilt for your SF from your mother's clothing? It might bring him some comfort.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Amazingly, you will recharge, yes you will! You will buy Mother's Day cards over and over and you will find someone near and dear to send them to.
I'm sending you hugs and love.

Nanbon44 said...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. My mother lost her fight with Cancer three years ago Febuary 7th, I did what you did for my step father. My mother was the quilter, I inherited her sewing things and I finished what she had started and donated as she always did to nursing homes,hospitals and homeless shelter. Three years later I continue to donate as she would have done. I feel so close to her when I am working on the quilts. I still miss not picking up the phone and hearing her voice, not sending the cards through out the year and no emails from her. We lost her sister two years ago and last year the last sister passed. My Mother, Aunts and Cousins who have passed, now live in my memories and I visit them often.

Patty said...

Hi Jean, I had to wait a couple days before I could write. I lost my mother 2 years ago in January and my mother-in-law died 2 weeks later. I'm still not able to talk much about it. But I know what you are feeling and I wish I could be there for you. Going to your mom's home and working thru all the things you did had to be so very hard for you. But it's something you'll be glad you did. As I picked up different things of my mothers, they brought back memories of what we did or where we went. You will always have those memories. But it will still be hard. There are times I want to pick up the phone and call mom. Like a couple weeks ago when my daughter found out she was going to have a baby. As I read somewhere, we never out grow the need for our mother. I read nonbon's post and had to laugh, because my mom was not a quilter, she was the kind that thought it was silly to cut up perfectly good pieces of fabric and then so much time sewing them back together. But my mom loved to cook and I would tease her back with saying why would you want to spend so much time making bread, pie, etc, when you could buy them. ;-) Sorry if I'm going on and on, but I want you to know how very sorry I am for your loss. May God send you his blessings.