I am not so much on the pity pot today as it was thought I was yesterday & I really wasn't yesterday and I just flat out believe there is a difference between self-pity and depression and I am on the depressed side of life right now.
I was able to sit in a chair and make part of the dinner we had yesterday and I am thankful for that and I sat down and unloaded the dishwasher while the kiddos and hubs put stuff away.
Three times, I was asked the unanswerable question yesterday...'why is all this happening to me? I reach out and help others, I give to charity, I take care of 3 wonderful children who are growing up to be amazing, we attend church, I study and read my bible, I pray, I am a good person. So, why does bad Karma keep coming to me?
I have no answer. I don't blame God for this or anyone else. Look at Job (and I am not comparing myself or my situation to Job) he was hit with things from the devil over and over again and never left or lost faith.
I can't say why this is happening, but I can tell those who asked me that they are blaspheming God by saying...I don't pray, I don't go out of my way and look at me, I don't get hurt as much as you do.
I am in extreme pain today, I have not taken a pain pill for 2 days, but I will relax today and work with the kids on making some things for their teachers for Christmas.
I realize, we need a home without stairs, wider hall, a fireplace that sits up higher, dishwasher and stove that sits up higher, railings in our stair well, railings outside by the stairs, rails in the bathrooms.
I hate to admit this, but with my luck, we need a home that is handicapped accessible and that isn't going to happen.
Monday, I will attempt to go to work, I will contact our local transportation office to see about door to door pickup, I will contact our local home health office to see if they can help me with things I can't do.
I won't get angry at God, I won't turn my back on Him, I just wish at times in all his infinite wisdom, He would allow someone else to take some of the falls I take. But, it isn't His fault I fell, it isn't my bosses fault I fell. I fell, plain and simple, I fell and I know....
This to, shall pass!