Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Clarificaiton on Grieving Post

I think I need to clarify my feelings or comments on the last post. Yes, to anonymous it does upset me when people tell someone else how to deal with their feeling and set time lines for others to get over the loss of anything...family, friends, jobs, etc. Everyone is an individual and each takes their own path to healing.

My comments on sympathy cards was not that they are sent, but how long after the fact that they are sent. I received some wonderful comments stating each person reacts differently and handles things differently and I 100% agree. What upsets me, may as others pointed out, comfort someone else.

However, ten months after someones death is not the time to send a combined Merry Christmas/Sympathy card. What was the point? To save a stamp? I didn't know this person, had never met her and when she sent her card, it didn't even begin with hello or my name, it started out as I said with a run down on her families history which about 3/4's of the way through I realized she was somehow related to someone on my maternal grandmothers side.

At the end of this she writes, I am sorry to hear about your mother, wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas.

Yes, that was upsetting to me. I have always tried my best to think about when to send something to someone, what to say, when to call, to let them know I am thinking of them, but this card to be was a bit odd and it tossed me off track.

However, I received several other Christmas cards from close family friends who I have met through the years and grew up with. They sent their thoughts at Christmas and told me they missed my mother and knew I did to. Some sent sympathy cards earlier and some simply sent the Christmas card. These were cherished.

I guess it didn't come out right, but I was trying to say is just think before you send things to others. Do you know the person? Do you know how they will respond? Will it help or hurt them?

I always appreciate it when others remind me that my feelings are not the only ones in the equation.


IHaveANotion ~ Kelly Jackson said...

I'm with you....and as I said....lots of folks live on Mars....and they just don't get it.


Patty said...

I understand your meaning completely. If it was a close friend and they offered an "I'm thinking of you at this time" kind of remark it would be better suited than what you described. My dad pasted away almost a year ago and I was talking to a friend a few days ago and I still cry about it every time I think of dad. I still miss him so much and think of all the pain he had to go thru and I just can't help myself. You are so right that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.