I always enjoy the drive and have been traveling the road so much lately that I joke I know exactly what curve has speed limit signs and what the trees look like on each segment of the drive.
I was a beautiful evening...no rain, not to cold or warm and the temperature inside the center was perfect! The people I got to sit with were nothing short of amazing. Doing your job is one thing, but doing your job with someone at your side asking questions and probing you for answers can sometimes be a challenge. The center employees were up to that challenge.
I left and drove to a friends home and pulling into the lit up driveway I knew I was home for a few hours. I went in quietly and crashed for 4 hours of excellent sleep. I was exhausted for some reason!
I drove home yesterday after a quick stop by JoAnn's fabric for 3 packs of embroidery thread, Safeway for water & AM/PM for gas. The ride home was perfect! I got home, crashed on the couch for hours.
I felt good about the experience. I have felt positive about this experience. I understand it is a long process & I know I have more baggage in my closet that the young people that apply. I also know that people realize the older we are, the more stuff we have lived through.
Today, I began having doubts. Not about my abilities as I was a great dispatcher, I don't think anyone would doubt that. I performed my job to the best of my abilities and I had the trust of the officers on the road.
What happens when they talk to family I haven't talked to in years? My ex-husband? What will old employers really say about me? What happens when they can't reach the boss that left and moved?
Sitting on Sunday in that center, felt natural. I wanted to be able to help, I felt that old urge to pick up the phone but knew I couldn't. I asked questions I hope didn't sound stupid, I questioned why things were or were not done wanting to understand more, I walked out feeling great!
Today, the devil has been playing in my mind! Whispering to me...telling me negative things. You won't make it, people are going to have so many differing opinions of you, it will be just a confusing mess. Who do you think you are? On and on my thoughts have been going.
Then I was reminded that God is in charge NOT the devil! The devil fills us with lies, kicks us until we are down and then kicks us some more, the devil makes us feel insecure even when we know we aren't insecure. It doesn't stop until we guard ourselves and stand up aggressively towards him!
If we attempt to back down, he will come at us faster, harder from all sides, The only way to stop this is to read the word and remember he is a liar, mean & hateful, a bully, a deceiver and we must stand against him!
We must know that Jesus came and defeated the devil, we can as well. I always enjoy giving the devil a black eye as my old pastor Reggie Vinson used to say...give the devil a black eye, tell him simply, 'devil get behind me, because 'greater is He that is in Me than he that is in the world.'(1 John 4:44) Immediately, when you begin to get negative statements in your head, tell the devil to get behind you!
If you keep stepping back from the devil, he will keep pushing you back until you start to fall down the cliff, however, if you use scripture against him to stand strong you will force him to back up and stand down.
I have seen the Lords hand in my life. I have applied for jobs and been so upset they fell through and yet, let me tell you how God has protected me:
- Applied for a job with a home builder. Had 2 interviews. No replies back. Several months later, they closed shop, locked doors and went out of business.
- Applied for a job with a local court. Had interview. Didn't get job. Several months later the court had to lay off people & that position was eliminated.
- Applied for a job with a large employer in our area. Turned down. Recently, they laid their entire staff off, went out of business...over 230 families lost jobs.
- Applied for a job as receptionist. Didn't get the job. The job still exists, however, it was moved to their headquarters 45 miles away...I would have to travel over an hour everyday.
Silly as it may seem, what about the rash of head lice our family had? That took time to finally find a shampoo that worked and worked well! Kids can't go to school, I probably would have lost my job.
We only look at our side, we don't always think of Gods side. When I am being denied or told no, the devastation is unbearable and then I see weeks, months or years later that God was protecting me & I understand!
I am not perfect (the devil knows this & I do to), only Jesus was perfect. I have made mistakes in my life (the devil also knows this and uses it against me), but everyone makes mistakes. I tend to prefer to call them learning opportunities where I learn to not do that again!
So today, if the devil starts to creep into your thoughts, shout out loud, 'devil get behind me, I am bought by the blood of Jesus and give him that black eye he deserves!' People might think you are crazy, but trust me, it will feel so good, you won't really care.
I just started reading a book that a wonderful lady sent me, it is called 'Same Kind of Different as me,' by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. I was struck by the truth on page 1, a part of an old negro spiritual...
'Well-a poor Lazarus poor as I
When he died he had a home on high...
The rich man died and lived so well
When he died he had a home in hell...
You better get a home in that Rock, don't you see?'
(Hall, Moore, Vincent, 'Same kind of different as me.' 2006. Thomas Nelson Publishing. Nashville. Page 1).
I may be down right now, but this small blurb in a book showed me, I am not poor as I have a home in heaven. I am not out because I work hard to help others. I am struggling, but I have not struggled as others do.
Yes, sometimes I listen to the defeatist side, but then God reminds me. The battle has already been won, why you still continuing the fight? It is done, it has been written and I need to lean on Him for my strength, because if I give the devil just a teeny chance to get into my head...he wins.
Give the devil a black eye today!