As I sit here this morning with tears streaming down my face, I feel very much like this penny looks. I can't claim the idea however, it was hubbies. While my armor has a few more dents in it and my heart will heal, I feel myself more like that old lump of coal...so now you know why the video!
Last night prior to going to bed, I checked my Email and inside was a note from the homeowner regarding the home we spent almost 2 hours looking at and discussing Saturday.
After an Email from me asking some very genuine questions about it being up for sale while we lived there, balloon payments and having a third party go over the contract with us....I was looking for her to calm my nerves as moving is never easy when you have a house full of stuff.
I told her I guess I should probably wait until I could talk to her person drafting all the paperwork and ask him those questions. She sent me back an Email stating perhaps since I had so much conflict with this and her and her husband just want to help a family in need out that this wasn't for us. I was a bit taken back and sent her an apology, stating we are NOT ungrateful and are very appreciative, but all parties needed to be protected. I was sorry if I offended her.
I spoke with her paper person and he was very nice and answered all of my questions and asked me to submit our application so we could get things started. As soon as hubby got home for lunch and I got the information he needed, I sent it off. My husband is so smart. He told me, 'once they see our credit report, they will find a way to say no.'
He is always so right on! The Email I received last night said they rented the house out yesterday, didn't think we were interested and moved on to another family in our area. Wow! I sat here last night and the breath literally went out of me. Really? Because I wanted to make sure my family was as protected as the owner was and asked questions they pulled it out from under us? Because I didn't want a home to be sold out from under us while living in it (that has happened to us before) she rented it out?
While she and I had an amazing conversation on Saturday for over an hour prior to us going to the home and while we walked around and she kept telling us, 'you are the family that belongs here, we have been praying for, what took you so long?' While she kept telling us how happy we would be there and how happy our grands would be in that house and she called and we spoke for awhile after we visited, she couldn't pick up the phone and tell me in person? Wow!!
She had sent me an Email earlier that stated, I know we will be friends for a long time. Perhaps we still will be, one never knows what God's plans are and why we met this woman. I can't see the future, but I know my tears will stop falling, I know I will grab the buffer and shine the dent up a bit and I know no matter what, I am a diamond. Not I will be someday, I am one now!
I promised my hubby last night, I would stop looking for homes. I just want to do what we can to ours and move forward. I can't take people not being upfront anymore. This morning hubby came in and said you didn't tell me when you went to bed last night about this. I didn't want to upset him, but God knew hubby needed to know because he woke up at 3:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. He was dumbfounded.
What he said after that made me love him all the more. 'You know, you live your life helping others all you can, I have seen you give away your last $10 to someone in need, you help at your church, we raise our grandchildren with love, kindness and respect, we teach them those things as well. Our home is clean, we take care of our yard and we met this woman, she commented on how well behaved the kids were and they are, it wasn't put on, we weren't putting on, however he told me, people do put on and no matter what she was saying about wanted to help us, she has to protect herself and on paper or a credit report, we don't shine so bright.' But what he said after this was amazing...
'Even after you do all you can for others, even if we are the good people we are, we are like a old penny that no one wants. We are a bit beat up but just as no wants the penny because it is old and dull and is judged by its cover and the homeowner isn't being honest with us, she is judging us much like the old penny is being judged. On one thing only, our credit score and people who have travel in her circles don't want to help us really, they don't care about us, all they care about is our credit score, they have to so they can protect themselves. It is what it is, God has NEVER let us down and don't you forget that!
Then he smiled at me and said, don't you ever give up or stop looking because of this, there will be someone out there who really will give us a chance, who really does want to help a struggling family, who really will see past the dents and dings to the beauty underneath.
Then laughing he reminded me of a penny he saw in a pawn shop many years ago. It was almost black from age, not the copper color of a new penny, the pawn shop had purchased it for $5 and wanted it gone. The man asked my husband if he would give him $20 for it, I almost fainted. He wanted $20 for a penny he gave $5 for. Hubby insisted I go to the car and get $20. That battered darkened old penny wound up selling a few years later for over $600 and helped us out of a tight spot.
You see, my husband knew what that penny was, he knew it was worth more than $20 but more over because he was able to see the value of that old coin when the owner thought he got a deal for $5.00, it was the shop owners loss because all he saw was a battered old penny.
I may be a battered old piece of coal. My credit score may stink, I may not be able to do as much as I used to but I will always be able to hold my head up because you may not like what I have to say, but I will at least always be upfront and honest with you. I won't lie to you, I won't candy coat what I have to say, I will never ever say something mean or vicious just to hurt someone, but I will always be Gods work in progress and if you choose to judge me by my credit score alone...so be it, but at least be as honest as a crooked car dealer would be and say, 'sorry, your credit wont' fly, don't lie to me.'
If you have questions about what I say, then ask me for clarification so we can both be on the same page. Don't just 'ass u me,' you think you know what I am saying. So many families hurt by the economy, so many good people struggling to do what is right for their families and in the end? Well in the end, I am so thankful to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ that on judgement day I will NOT be denied access to heaven based on my credit score.
Today, my devotional states: 'Stay CALMLY conscious of ME today, no matter what and remember I go before you as well as with you and that nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you and I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. But the greatest portion here is where I get peace...Collaboration with Me brings blessings that far outweigh all our troubles.'
And that my friends is a huge AMEN!!
The sun is shining this morning as I write this, the sky is that amazing Washington blue, the clouds are like giant white cotton balls and the kids and I are going to the park today with our cameras. I am working on some quilts for our local homeless and no matter how dented I am...my Jesus sees past my credit score, past the dents and He see's the amazing person He created for His purposes. Who knows, maybe, just maybe the job I applied for in the next county over will come through and that will be the reason for this home denial.