Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Step-Families, Mixed Families, Can You Help?

Many of you know we have been raising our 3 grandchildren since 2004 and have sole legal custody. You also know we have prayed for their youngest sibling that someday she would be able to come and join them.

Two weeks ago her mom put her on a plane with nothing more than the clothes on her back, a few books, some crayons, and a bag of dirty clothes, shoes that were to big for her.

My husband and I took her and bought her a few pairs of shorts, tops, shoes, socks, underwear, personal items all things she needed. We came home took everyone to a nice dinner, took them to the water park the next day, all was great, everyone was happy.

However, the honeymoon has worn off and the kids that have lived with us for so long are becoming resentful towards her and I don't want to see this happen. 

I will admit she embellishes many things like telling us last week she and a friend went to Madagascar, it took my husband several times to get her to finally say she was only pretending.

Last night I looked for her IPOD she said it was on her bed, I knew she had it, when she finally said, 'oh look, here it is I forgot I had it,' in 30 seconds time? I told her she needs to stop telling stories, it isn't nice.

She will want something and ask me and then when I say no, say, my brother or sister asked me to ask but when I question them it is obvious she has made this up.

Because of this and an incident last night where Diva girl had made them all a blanket fort and then came out to watch a show with me, her sister told her brother, if she isn't back in 5 seconds, I am tearing this down & she did and boy was the fight on.

How do I handle this? I am trying to make them accept her and welcome her, but she isn't making it easy on them and is telling stories that are not so.

Yesterday she told my grandson, Papa said I get to ride your mini bike all day. Papa over heard it and said, I did not say that and I told you I would let you ride it Saturday, it is not your bike, it is his and I am not taking it away from him.

The issue is we really have no idea what she has lived in, I do know she has gone from her moms to her grandma's to motels, to who knows what. She tells of abuse living with her aunt and grandmother.

It is hard for her I get that, she has no friends here, we do not know what is going to happen next, mom told her she was moving to Seattle, so that would mean another move, we have no legal paperwork on her at all for medical or school.

I just need to know how can I get her to fit into the family, we love her and I know the kids love her, but they are quickly becoming very frustrated with her and the things she says and does.

Please help! 


suz said...

Not knowing the age of the children, it is difficult to make suggestions. Some ideas: family meetings where everyone airs a complaint and the object of the complaint has one rebuttal.

Definitely seek help - you surely have people in your area that can help with family conflict. Church counselors, maybe.

Try to have some time each day when you or husband or both can have 'alone' time with the newest arrival - it may help for her to be the focal point without doing something nasty to get it.

And do make sure that you and your husband have your alone time - renewal time.

Good luck


Sherry said...

Oh my but you have your hands full!

I'm sorry that I do not have any advice to give. . . but I will add you and yours to my prayers.

Good luck working everything out.

NanaNor's said...

Bless your heart for opening your lives, your home, your family for this granddaughter. It is hard to imagine all that she has been through-perhaps lying was just her way to cope with whatever she was facing. Prayer is something you can pour all your emotions into for this child. Sending big hugs to you today.

Sewing Junkie said...

I would get guardianship over her and then get medical records. Next counseling is in order. We have fought over a granddaughter also, but things finally falling into place. We were foster parents and you have to protect yourself also. Not an easy chore, but you want to be productive with her. Thoughts are with you. Chris