Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Second Week

The second week was spent utilizing my moms indoor exercise bicycle and watching a combination of old movies and Disney movies, of talking to the Hospice workers to ensure they were aware I would be leaving for awhile and returning when I could.
This is where I became very mentally exhausted. My mom has collected pictures all her life, so she wanted me to go through all her old picture albums and divide the pictures up between myself and all my siblings. It was a 2 day daunting task and so many pictures that no one knew who the people were.
Take my advice, always mark your pictures so future generations know who the people in the photos are!
Do you save cards? Why? My mom has not only saved all the cards that people have given her over the years and not only saved them, but placed them in little construction booklets with the person or families name on the outside. Mom asked that all of these booklets be tossed out as they were hers and personal and she didn't want others going through them.
I took her neighbors back to them, contacted others and set others aside. Then, I began tossing them into the garbage. My step-dad became very angry and that is when it hit me that while he is taking care of her, having her come back home from Hospice, put him into the denial and anger stage of death.
I won't go into what was said, but he was upset and my mom was very adament that those books were made for her and no one else! Eventually, he settled down and agreed over the next few weeks that he would dispose of them so they didn't fill up the trash receptacle.
My mom also gave me a hardbound book on our family history on my grandmothers side and lots of clippings and a scrapbook on my grandfathers side, very interesting reading. I brought home scrap books, tons of pictures and other things that I will need to mail off to my siblings over the next few months.
One day while my step-dad was gone, my mom asked me to get her jewelry boxes down and she gave each one of the girls a necklace or a pair of earrings and my grandson an indian pendant. She also gave me 2 rings she wanted me to have. She wanted to give us more, but I told her no.
We made a list of which children get what things (things they have asked for), which grandchildren should have others and still others, we let rest for another time. So many things my mom has from her mom and had collected on her and my step-dads RV trips, it broke my heart to go through them, but it made me more aware of how we all must do this and not allow those left behind to wonder what to do with so many things.
I felt many times disrespectful to my step-dad, but I also had to remember that he had not always been a part of our families lives and my mom wanted to ensure her things, her moms things went to her children and not just tossed out or gone through by others.
Do your family a favor, live simply, spend money on them and not trinkets all over the place and as you grow older, leave a will or detailed letter of what or whom you want to have what. In the long run, your family will feel so blessed and much more at ease.
Be prepared, we all die, we can't take it with us, so let others know you want them to have it!


SewCalGal said...

Hugs, many hugs. The path you are currently walking is something you should know others have walked and will be there to support you, if needed. Just let us know.

Do take time for yourself. This walk is a long & hard walk. But as much as it can hurt, it was built on love that will also give you strength to endure!


GiftedGrandma said...

Bless is a hard road to travel. Great advice to give others. I have collected so much over the years and need to do the same, but it is a daunting task. I almost died last year and know what my family would go through as they have a step father and 3 step siblins and many grandchildren. Guess, I need to get organized in that area. Thanks for the reminder. Hugs and God bless

Rannyjean said...

Yes, with so many blended families (as my moms is) I feel we must be crystal clear of who we want to have what or sometimes the steps move in and take what they want. My friends mom and dad downsized from a large home to a smaller one and told their children, take what you want now, they gave them things they made them as children and thus not only eliminated clutter hopefully eliminated the need for fighting at the end. Personally, I would live in a 5th wheel and travel and not have so much baggage!