Sunday, November 28, 2010

Practicing Thanksgiving

It is very difficult when you are stewing in depression to see the many things you can be thankful for and I have had some very difficult times this year with my mom and dad both passing away within months of each other and with terrible diseases. Yet, I can be thankful they had spouses that took wonderful care of them while they were digressing in health.

I can be thankful I was with my mom for several weeks while she was very ill and that when I went to see her, she came out of her coma like state and remained very happy in spite of her health issues. I am thankful that the other night when I was in so much pain and agony, I had a dream about my Momma and while I couldn't see here, I could hear her voice calling me gently by my name. I am thankful I could hear her voice, however no amount of begging her not to leave me again could keep her talking to me.

I am not so much depressed as I am scared. There! It is out in the open...I am scared! But not as scared as I would be living in countries that do not allow me to reach out to others openly, that do not allow me to discuss my love of Jesus Christ and for that, I am very thankful.

My pastor spoke today about giving thanks during the difficult times, turning the negatives into positives and allowing our messes to become our ministries. I am not thankful for the difficult times I am going through, I had being dependent on others, but I am thankful that I can smile and do my best. After all, I can't change my circumstances.

It is difficult for me to write this. I am so worried the ancient wiring in my attic will someday catch on fire and our house will happens frequently in this area due to wiring being 80+ years old. It is so dry and brittle, we can't insulate our attic for fear the wires will ignite the insulation. I have no insulation in my bathroom at all and so far the lowest temps in there occurred last week when it got down to 52 degree's. We heat with wood and I can't chop wood nor can I stoke the fire with my leg injury. I am thankful for a husband who relentlessly keeps that bathroom when he is home at an even 70 degrees.

The bible and my Pastor tell me to not worry about tomorrow for it hasn't arrived yet, don't worry about things that haven't happened, because it is wasted energy. I am going to be busy tomorrow not worrying about things and trying to work on getting them fixed.

In the meantime,I am thankful for my church, my family, my faith, my friends, my blog friends, my quilting that helps others and I am thankful today to you who are reading this post.

God Bless and yes, thank you!


Margaret said...

Giving thanks is a sure way to get out of the doldrums, soon you will have the wind in your sails again and lifted up and soaring with the eagles.

dthneece said...

I wish I had the right words to say that could comfort you. I know that God sees you and it is what offers me comfort in the hard places. He has brought you to this place and no matter what trials you face, He sees. He chose you and the specific trials for your life (and mine) no matter how frightening they are and He will be there through all of them. God, please bless your child while she walks through the fearful days and the joyful days. Surround her with angels to lift her soul up to You and remind her that she remains in Your loving arms. You do not slumber. Amen.