Thursday, July 21, 2011

A Grandparents Dilemma...Parents As Well!!

I am going to vent here because I see this thing happen frequently and I think it is pure crap! Yes, I said crap! The picture above is of my grands, their aunt, their mom and half siblings. I don't have a problem with step families, I lived in one most of my life, my husband is step-dad to my oldest 2.

What I have a problem with are when adults flat out lie to kids! How can you facebook about how you love God, how you attend church, how much you love your family and then look a child in the face and outright lie to them.

My son has 4 children, the 3 we have custody of and the 3rd little girl in this picture. What I am shocked by is that Emerald has been lied to about who her father is. This innocent child has been told by her mom and her moms family apparently that moms boyfriend is her daddy. That is NOT true.

Sadly, she found out the truth when she came to visit and walked into the girls room and saw a picture of her mom, dad and oldest sister and asked who the man was. It is our daddy, mine, yours, brother and sisters. She told her no, so and so is my dad. The oldest told her that is not true, it is a lie. Eventually, it led to mom being put on the spot and telling her who it was. She was in shock!

While in Hawaii, mom tells the oldest to not be upset with her sister or her mom for them saying so and so is her dad, because a dad is the one that takes care of you when you are little?? Huh?? Let me see, this guy is in prison for the past few years (so is their dad) and that is taking care of her? No, it isn't!!

Then I asked my granddaugher if that meant she should call her Papa daddy. No, he isn't my dad, he is my Papa. Yes, you are right I said, but your Papa is the one that is taking care of you while your dad is in prison.

Immediately the lights came on, she got that she was being manipulated and played by her mom and she understood that. Last night her dad called and all 4 of his children talked to them, but understandably, the youngest didn't know what to say.

I get there are dead beat dads out there, I get dads pass away, go to prison, become real poop heads, but then again, so do moms!

I was raised by my step father from a very young age, I chose to call him dad after several years of living with him, he was my dad, he raised me, took care of me when I was sick, kicked me in the fanny when I needed it. I knew he wasnt' my birth father, but my birth father wasn't my dad either.

All I am saying, is don't force a child to call someone dad. Don't lie to them about who their dad really is. Be honest, let them decide, because if you don't know, it will back up and bite you in the butt someday. Tell them flat have a dad/father/whatever and his name is.

I know many of you will have differing opinions and that is okay with me. But I knew who my birth father was, my mom didn't lie to us, she didn't lie to my sister who was only a baby when she left my dad and remarried, she didn't believe in lying to us.

Moms who constantly change boyfriends and husbands and make their children call their current man in their life dad to make him happy just confuse me. What happens if that child needs a transplant, needs to know their medical background? Then it comes to life and the child is shattered.

Honesty in my opinion is always the best policy!

1 comment:

Jenn said...

So sorry your granddaughter has had to go through that!