Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What Has Happened to Our World?

I think I am a pretty open book when I write my blog and I speak on things that are not so pleasant in my life. But more and more it breaks my heart to see that we as a nation are not falling apart because of the 'outsiders,' so many of us fear, we are falling apart because we cloister ourselves off in our homes, shackled to our computer and we opinionate on things we know nothing about, are downright mean with our commentaries and talk out our a***s!

My husband and I are not dead beat parents, we have worked hard our entire lives, our boys didn't get what they wanted when they wanted something, they had to work for it. We made sure they went to school, helped with homework, hung around good friends, lived in a good neighborhood.

We enrolled them and were active in scouts and they took karate lessons and both had earned their purple belt in karate and were working on their brown belt. We attended and traveled for karate tournaments, I worked in a police department and they would come and spend nights with me.

We knew where they were at night and twice when they were not where they should be, I found them and brought them home. Still, we all know we can't be with them 24 hours a day.

Two of my oldest sons wound up wanted to move and live with their dad and after years of fighting them and him, I allowed them to go. I do not know what happened, but I know their dad worked and they lived in the country and he took care of them.

The oldest one got married young, had 2 children, divorced and remarried had another child and got caught up in Meth. Both parents were on Meth and soon the split. My son drifted here and there and wound up in prison (he was 26). Now he is out and has almost completed his degree in alcohol and drug counseling. He has changed and he works with others trying to break the habit.

Yes, he took the long away around to realize he was being stupid!

The youngest of the 2 can't seem to kick his alcohol addiction and lives on the streets.

We have done all we can to help him, but he doesn't want to change.

My oldest from the 2 that we did everything with...fishing trips, camping trips, traveling all over...the dad of our 3 grands we are raising was an amazing kid. He was always happy, funny and laughing. He struggled in school but we did what we could to help him. He joined football and the year he was to play fractured his knee in a beach accident.

When he was 18, we threw him a going away party on his birthday as a joke...he received dishes, towels, toasters, all the things one would need to set up their own home. He was working and had a good job. Then my DIL got pregnant and the baby came and during this time the company he was working for sold out to home developers.

The baby was born, they got their own place and then....the job ended, moved in with friends and then the drugs....it was never ending. Soon, there was a second, third and forth baby. In the middle of this was their marriage, things were good, they were both working, clean and sober...

Problems on and off. He went to prison shortly after she walked out of the house and never came back. He was stupid, he was on drugs, he was doing things I don't know about I am sure. It broke our hearts. We would give him food to eat if he came by, but never money. He physcially attacked my husband in front of his daughter....10 years old and to this day she still remembers that, he Papa bleeding.

Prison he went and stayed. Got out, now he was a felon so no one would hire him, he couldn't find work, but had to have a job per the parole system and he had a short time to get there. He met a girl, moved in and who the heck knows the full story, I was in WA by then.

He gets drunk, pulls a toy gun on a clerk, steals cigs and beer and well, he is locked up until 2016.

Did my husband and I raise him to be this way? No! Are we welfare dependent? No! Were we negligent parents? No! Were we over indulgent parents? No!

We haven't seen our son in over 4 years which means the kids haven't seen their daddy and they love him in spite of his problems and they know why he is where he is. The state of AZ is charging $25 to people to do background checks so they can visit. We are grandfathered in, but it is still hard on people.

I am amazed at the names we have been called...lazy, welfare hacks, lower than pond scum, we deserve to pay that money plus the $3.95 Western Union is charging to get the money in. We should pay for the prison cell and everything else because we are obviously crap parents!

Wow! Really?? Do you know me? Do you know anything about me?

Am I to blame for the Meth addictions of everyone in the world? Can I control someone once they move out of my home and are over 21?

If we want to know what is wrong with our world, I think I see a pattern. It is people who have nothing better to do with their time than sit on their computers and judge others. They do not have compassion for their fellow human being and that will kill our society quicker than ever.

Don't judge the parents of these prisoners, many of us thought we were doing a great job and doing all we could to be active in our childs life...it was when they left home that things changed and Lord help me, but I truly wish I knew the answer why! But I promise it wasn't because I was sitting on welfare showing my kids how crappy life could be.


autumnesf said...

Judging parents over a child's actions is one of the stupidest, unintelligent things anyone can do. You always need to dig deeper than the surface picture to learn anything. How many middle class teens get busted every year for shoplifting? Thousands. And almost all come from homes where both parents work and are law abiding citizens and are HORRIFIED by what the teen did. They taught better. Of course there are children that are only doing what they know or are encouraged to do....but I think the opposite is true far more often than not. The middle class kids just get off more often so the problem isn't as publicized.

Quiltingranny said...

Well said Autumn. I am oft times reminded how a very prominent judge's son in our area, set fire to a state campus. The judge and his wife are outstanding citizens and love their children. Then again look at how the tea party supporters cheered that a person in a coma should be left to die. We have become a society that doesn't care....sad!

~Niki~ said...

i understand your pain, your issues with this. i have 4 kids. i raise them all pretty much the same. give love, food, shelter, don't hit them, don't be too hard but not too soft on them. They all have free will, my friend. it is not your fault! My sister is 41 now still living with my dad. My parents put up with this day in and day out because of guilt. WHY? She is a grown up. The path she chose, so be it. She is an alcoholic as well. I chose to not be a part of it, because of that I am blackballed by the family. Listen to your heart. Listen to God. You know what is right for you and your husband. You are doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up about it. I know, easier said than done. You did a great job and you know that! hugs to you.
My oldest is 18 and so far so good, but that does not mean he could not turn at any moment.

Melinda Cornish said...

honey, I am standing right here beside you with my arm around you. You are my sister in bewilderment and pain. I dont judge you at all....