Time For Healing....Me

I went to see my Reiki Massage therapist today for my back due to spasms. She basically said I am a train wreck with so much stress in my life, I need not a bigger plate but a platter! Profoundly, she repeated almost verbatim what I dear friend told me yesterday...Hello, not once but twice, God is speaking!

Here is what they both believe and I am inclined to believe this with them:
1- I am under an enormous amount of stress
2- I am severely depressed
3- I don't take good care of myself
4- I am exhausted
5- I am not healthy right now
6- I am under extreme amounts of pressure right now
7-I am to hard on myself
8- I have PTSD on several work issues

For me the blessing is my MT was a dispatcher for many years and knows the stress it causes the body, also my hearing has been trained to be split ear and that is another thing altogether, but right now, both are very concerned.

So, for 2012 I am going to be a bit kinder to myself:

I am not taking on any new charity quilt projects this year, they wear on my mentally and physically to make as many as I can each year and until my family quilts and projects are completed, I am not making anymore for charity.

I am resigning this year as Scout leader for the Cub Scouts. I am 56 years old more than double what most scout parents are right now, I didn't volunteer for this...I took it one when our leader got sick and she never came back and not wanting to let the grandson down I took it on and expected more help from hubby and have gotten none. I can't make a car, cut a block of soap, pitch a tent, tie knots, etc. Next year these boys become Webelos and they need a male leader!

I am going to take care of me better. That means if I want to get my nails done, I will. If I want to sleep in on Sunday, I will. If I cook dinner and do the best and hubby isn't happy, I have to accept that and move on. Cooking for him in grease and fat is killing us!

Sadly, I have to look at the fact, that if we do lose our home, it isn't my fault! I pay my car payment, my bills, I buy the kids clothes, pay for the music lessons, scouting, gas in my car, a few groceries here and there with my small monthly retirement and unemployment checks.

This year, I have to take care of me...whatever that means at this time!