Saturday, April 27, 2013

Totally Confused

The last time I saw my baby sister, she was pregnant with her first child and her and her husband came to visit us in Navy housing where I made Chicken Enchilada's and we had a good time.

Over the years they have become more saintly than I will ever be. While we are both Christians and believe in the same things, we have had issues over the years in regards to many things.

I do not hear from her during the year, just once a year at Christmas when her husband sits down and sends out their yearly family newsletter.  There is never a question of how are you, how are the grandchildren, the pets, it is all us, us, and more us.

I sent her a quilt and pillow from some of my moms things I had made...honestly I don't even know if she got it, but I never got a call or letter letting me know it arrived. Insert sad face here!

When we moved recently, I discovered I had somehow wound up with their wedding album my mom had and I mailed it to her. Silence again.

I never get a birthday card, call from her on a holiday, she has never sent my children or grandchildren a card, a gift or a letter.  Sadly, she has 3 sons I have never met and do not even know.

So I was puzzled today when I went to the mailbox and pulled out a graduation announcement for her youngest son.  No note, no letter, just a graduation announcement for a young man I do not even know.  Yes, he is my nephew, but if we ran into each other I wouldn't know him and he wouldn't know me.

It is ironic or perhaps even rude that my family has nothing at all to do with me unless they have a child graduating from high school or college, getting married or their is a bridal shower or baby shower.

Am I wrong to think this is rude behavior?  It is almost like they are saying to me, 'hey, we don't ever talk, you don't know our kids, but please send them money and gifts.'

The last time I sent a wedding gift, it was a pretty expensive crystal vase the couple wanted and I got absolutely nothing back in return, not a thank you note or phone call and the gift was sent to my sisters home.

I would be happy if this were an olive branch and it changed the way my family see's me, but it isn't! It is just their way to say they think I am good for at least a few dollars and I think I will send a card, but I will spend the money on my grandchildren! 



Kathy S. said...

I am in a very similar situation. We are only invited for "gift giving" occasions. My husband and I seem to be alone raising our son. I was there when the others had their children. I was always a free babysitter. I always remembered the kids birthdays and such. My family has NEVER watched my son. It's just one of those things. That's why I have made it very important to have FRIENDS. I have more quality friends than ever and I am so thankful for that. My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. Making baby quilts and gift quilts and not even getting a thank you (not even on facebook) is so sad.

Deb said...

I'm sorry to hear you have a family situation like this, but you'll find that it's not that uncommon. My husband and I are both in a similar situation. His family has had nothing to do with him for years, yet his mother got angry when she wasn't informed that our daugther was pregnant, had a daughter, which made her a great grandmother for the first time, which she found out about in the church bulletin after baptism. She sent us a not so nice letter, but hasn't had anything to do with us in MANY years prior so we don't feel obligated now either. I haven't seen or spoken to my brother since my mom passed away 6 years ago, at which time he told me to make sure I take care of my dad, who lives where I do, but he only lives an hour away from us. I feel for you....but remember that your husband, children, and grandchildren care and that's all that matters in the end.