Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Getting Past The Hurt

I am in a bit of a quandry I must say and have been for a few weeks now and felt I could just ignore it and it would go away, but then again, my depression takes over and makes something large out of something so small. Or does it?

I raised 4 sons and never had a girl, so raising 2 girls that are now in the young woman stage of their lives and pre-teenage oft times leaving me scratch my head.

But lately, the comments from one have become hurtful towards me and I don't know why.  Is it a girl thing?  If I would have treated anyone the way she has treated me lately, I would have had a fat lip!

A few weeks ago an incident at our dinner table happened where she was feeling ill and didn't want to eat, so I excused her from the table but she said it was okay she just wanted to sit for awhile. I told her I would eat her dinner and if she wanted dinner later I would fix her plate.

Hubby comes to the table and asks her where her dinner is and without skipping a beat, she told him...my Ranny is eating it.  This didn't bode well with hubby and I explained why I was eating hers instead of making another plate.  She looked at him and said, 'I didn't say.'  I was in shock and told her what she had said and she once again denied it.

So, am I loosing my mind at this time?  Did I imagine this? I could tell by her siblings faces she did say it. What bothered me was how my husband took her word. Just to be honest here, I have never just taken a child's dinner plate for my own!

A few hours later hubby and I got into a disagreement over the way laundry is done and I asked him to help find a workable solution...he doesn't like the clothes folded and put on the table, he doesn't want then folded and put on our bed and the kids fold theres and lets face it....they are kids, their clothes wind up where they put them and that upsets him.

That passes.  Today, I took the younger 2 to school and told the oldest we were going walking. My walks are painful and short and she said she wasn't getting out of the car.  I did get out, put my headphones in and walked around the school parking lot.

I looked back 1/2 way through my walk and she was behind me, so I asked her if she wanted me to turn my IPOD shuffle off and just talk or tell jokes.

Her reply had me in tears. 'Nope, keep them in you are no fun to walk with you are my grandma and my friends are better.'  Really??
We weren't walking 100 miles, we were spending 10 minutes if that walking around a parking lot.

When we back into the car I let her know she hurt my feelings and I also told her I understand her friends mean a lot to her as I was once young, but her comment was unwelcome and hurtful.

I also told her someday her friends will move, they will find other friends, they will get mad and they won't be friends anymore but I will always be there for her as I have in the past and always will be.

I just don't know how to relate to her anymore I guess.  I am just extremely depressed between her behavior and hubbies!


NanaNor's said...

Hi there, My heart hurts for you in your discouragement. Please know I'm lifting you up right now. I haven't raised grandchildren but it sounds like they weren't taught respect from their parents or others. Now that they are with you, they need to learn that there are new rules on how to interact. You and your hubby have got to be a united front. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
Hang in there. They are blessed by having such wonderful grandparents.
Hugs, Noreen

marilyn said...

Yes, teenage girls can be really mean. But know this, they will grow up and they will realize how much you have done for them. My oldest went through a horrible stage and rally hurt me and I'm still dealing with forgiving her and letting go of the pain. I will be praying for you.

Becky said...

My advice towards the granddaughter's comments is to let it go. You and your granddaughter aren't peers, so take all her comments with grains, if not chunks of salt!

Kids go through an age where they don't want to be seen with their parents (and probably grandparents) and eventually they work through it, but there are a few years there where frankly, they are hard to be around. :)

So cheer up.

I didn't really understand the problem about the laundry, so no advice there, but I'm sure you'll work something out--or let your hubby be in charge of laundry--totally. That way he can do it how he thinks is best.

Quiltingranny said...

Thank you all for your comments and letting me know this is probably just a stage for her. Funny Becky, I had just given her the I am your grandparent not your buddy talk a few days ago.

Sara said...

I had all girls and when they hit middle school age it seemed that everything we did was an effort to embarass them personally. That is a rough age, but they do grow out of that "snotty" stage. Hang in there - they will turn into lovely young ladies again.

Mhairi said...

I am no longer a teenager (thank goodness!!) nor am I a grnadma but I have worked with children all my life and I was an appalling teenager - no one in my family would disagree with this, ever!!
Just a couple of things to think about - if she feels safe saying these horrible things to you she knows that you will always be there for her but is testing this maybe because of the other situations that have occurred recently.
Two - she is feeling lost, everything is changing in her life and she doesn't know how to cope with it all. She is lashing out at the one person who has always been there for her. Keep doing what you are doing, love her, tell her when she is being inappropriate and don't tolerate behaviour from her that you wouldn't from anyone else.
Thirdly, buy her a diary and promise her you won't read it - make sure it is understood that NOONE is to touch, look for or read it unless they are given permission.
Finally, keep up your amazing work, you are one awesome lady and eventually we do grow out of the awful teenage years and become human beings again!! When she does she will be glad you are there for her. HUGS!!!