I am like a wild rushing roller coaster coasting more and more out of control until right before it veers off the tracks, I am stopped. That is how I feel with my emotions over the last few days, drained of any emotion, unable to smile afraid if I do, I will break down and cry.
I am still screaming for answers and yet I know there are none.
Today, tears welled in my husbands eyes as he came to the acknowledgment that we may never see our son again.
That one or both of us may pass from this world before we can hold him again.
I am the emotional one and yet next to my husband I am without emotion.
Afraid of showing my emotions, afraid the tears if started will never stop.
Break downs? I have had a few here and there.
Deep sadness fills me body, I ache from the heaviness of carrying its weight.
I ache from hearing the strain of my youngest sons voice, heavy with homelessness.
I ache from the emptiness of not hearing friends voices, but they can't call, they don't know what to say, I understand and yet, I don't.
A friend finally calls, he is coming to visit this week-end, hoping he can take some of our pain.
I pray, I still believe God wants us here.
I am sad, very sad, that my sons life is gone.
Very sad that his little princess loves her daddy so very much.
Very sad because he won't be able to share with his son, the things his dad shared with him.
Please, stop the ride, I want off!