Sunday, February 10, 2008

Where is My Son? Where is My Baby Boy?

I have definitely had an emotional last few days, sadness, crying, praying, questioning. But there are no answers. My son has been involved in an Armed Robbery and I am trying to stand strong. So, what happened? I wonder...

What happened to the precious baby boy that used to wear his daddies dixie cup hat and with a sweet under the hat grin knock all the tapes off the shelf & giggle?
What happened to the baby boy that used to say moon, up?
What happened to the Boy Scout that earned so many badges?
The young man who used to bring his sleeping bag and pillow to the police department and sleep under the squad room desks when I worked night shift dispatching?
What happened to the kid who earned so many trophies bowling with his dad on dad and son leagues?
What happened to the kid who earned a Purple belt in Martial Arts?
Where did the young man go that would defend his Autistic Brother with all his might, not leave him homeless & alone?
What happened to the teen who was terrified to drive (still is very careful), because he lost so many friends in one year to auto accidents?
The boy who cried when his friends died?
The boy who prayed for an end to a sore throat and got the answer and sang Jesus praises when it happened?
The young man who fished with his dad? Camped with his dad? Told us he loved us? Promised not to get into trouble?
Where did the anger & hatred come from?
Where is the father who was getting to know his 2 year old again & having so much fun spending time with her?
The father who promised his 3 children he would be up to see them soon?
My heart is breaking like shattered glass on a hot day, torn in many pieces, trying to be strong but really falling apart.
How did this happen? Why did this happen?
I mourn not for myself as much as for the children who will be grown when they see their daddy next.
I mourn for the young man that has allowed life to distort his visions for his future.
I mourn for the pain my husband is in.
I want to kick his ass!