Friday, September 19, 2008

Fist Shaker or Hand Raiser?


Wow! I am one of those very passionate people in so many ways. I was passionate as a parent to wanting to protect my children and perhaps over the years, I protected them too much so when it came to making their own choices, they chose bad ones.

I have always been passionate about wanting to move back to Washington where I love the trees, water, rain, it is the most beautiful place to me to live right next of course to the California coast in which I grew up. But from early on, we vacationed in Oregon and Washington and it just grows on you.

I am passionate so much about my quilting that I can and have gone for several days happily sewing with little to no sleep or food! I know, it is a compulsion, obsession, etc., but it is part of who I am!

I am also passionate about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ & while I may not be able to quote scripture as well as I should be able to, I don't preach in front of a church, I will defend my love and tell others about Jesus and why they should accept Jesus into their lives & I worry about my husband not being in Heaven when I get there. So, on with this wonderful study!

. When is the last time you encountered a Fist Shaker? My husband. Well, he doesn't shake his fist at God, but he is upset that we are living where it is constantly wet and cold and he was so happy with life in Arizona & since I believe God put us where He wanted us to be...my husband is NOT happy about it or with God, so when I bring the Lord up, when we pray at dinner, he isn't exactly thrilled with me! He will bow his head & grumble about dinner getting cold while we pray! This may be a stranger to you or as close as a loved one in your own home. Does anything in our description help you to understand their animosity towards God? Yes, I do understand his being upset, but if he really admitted it, life was hard in Arizona as well, only harder on me than him. Are you able to have more compassion towards them? I am compassionate towards him. I have volunteered to move back to Arizona or even move towards Spokane so it will be easier on him and he tells me: HE IS NOT DOING ANOTHER MOVE! Yes, the caps and exclamation mark were done intentionally.

Does anything about Rahab's redemption strike a nerve? Yes! More as a survivor rather than a victim! This may be a question you would like to ponder privately. Sexual sin and/or victimization can be an area where Satan has an enormous stronghold because it can hold so many painful and shameful memories. If Rahab teaches us anything, please know God can redeem any life and any situation, no matter how heinous it seems, and plant you unashamedly 'in the midst of Israel'. Rahab deserved death according to Mosaic Law, however she was shown nothing but lovingkindness by the God and nation of Israel. I would also like to add here, that while satan wants us to feel ugly, ashamed, etc. and I did for years, but when you really let go and let God and forgive the person that harmed you...it will set you free. By hanging onto that memory, you are allowing that person to harm you over and over and over and over again. Letting go gives God the ability to shape you into a survivor and show you how much He loves you! I know! I am a survivor!

s there an area of your life in which you feel you have come full circle? Yes, life in general. As a young woman, I raised a family, lost a child to an unknown illness, divorced, got a high school diploma, worked on my degrees, had a career and gave all to that career. Now, I am raising children again, I am starting over again (in a new home, new job, etc.), my husband and I are scraping by as we did years ago, never knowing if I will work or not. Where you've come to a place where everything and nothing are the same? While it is the same, it isn't because this time around I am volunteering more, I am not willing to give my soul to an employer, I am not willing to work on the Lords Day. I am more relaxed & life will improve even if we have no money for this years fire wood, no money for gas this week, God always comes through! (I'm thinking Lord of the Rings when Frodo goes back to the Shire after his long adventure. You have no clue what I just said if you are not an LOTR nerd so just ignore this

When you were born again, did you gain a new appreciation for your surroundings as Rahab did when she received the Promise along with the Promised Land? Has some old place, object, or relationship been redeemed by now serving a 'high and holy purpose'? Not for many years. I think the Lord is leading me back to where He wanted me all along, mentoring children. Living at home I used to help the neighbor kids with homework and reading. Perhaps His calling to me is to teach the little ones.

Believers can still be Fist Shakers. Do you have circumstances in your life in which you find yourself shaking your fist at God? Something He has asked you to endure, asked you to do, seemingly taken away from you? I know this sounds contradictory, but yes, moving us to Washington, we no longer have any retirement benefits or funds left, we can't seem to get ahead of the creditors as we were in Arizona, I still won't see my first paycheck until the end of October and that hurts us financially and while I love it here, I sometimes find myself yelling and screaming, why did you move me here if life was going to get ugly?Can you see how shaking your fist is keeping you from your Promise? Yes. Because I am sending God mixed messages...I love it here, I want to leave. I want to serve where you want me to , let me go back to my comfort zone, etc.(I'm not talking eternal security here - Only abundant living.)

This morning I woke up with a smile on, reached for my coffee mug and grabbed the one with the snowman on it & grinned. My husband just snarled at me, because he knows as well as a few others if I want and wish for snow, I usually get my wish. It has become a joke among those who know me well.

Yes, I love snow! But I also love my husband and I know with snow comes him having to be outside in the wet, wind and cold. I love this area, I feel God is moving in Grays Harbor and doing great things. However, sometimes I feel He forgot He put us here!

2 comments:

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

Hi Rainma!

I experienced a lot of your feelings when Luke and I attended Seminary. God, why would you move us here and then not take care of us?

It was in those dark days where my personal ministry was forged. I'm thankful for them now even though I didn't understand them then. I pray the same thing for you! :)

Much love,

Lisa

Niki said...

Are you a sexual abuse survivor as well? We sure have a lot in common. Please write me back :) My mom lives in WA. I wish I had $ to visit her.