The other thing I do is when I get up every morning, I pray and then I sit down and read my Bible and just try to absorb Gods word into my head and life. I am trying in everything to be the person that God wants me to be.
Two things come to mind lately that I feel I handled well and more Grace than I would have ever done in the past.
- When I lost my job recently due to my hearing, I was devastated. Here I was finally making a good wage, I had retirement and benefits and was starting to help dig us out of the hole we were and still are in. I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo close to paying off one of my credit cards and car loan. I lost my job due to my hearing and it is a long story I am not going into here, but I basically forced their hand to hire me under ADA/EEOC laws. I knew going in, I may not last, but I gave it my best shot. The Monday before I was called into the directors office and told I only needed one ear to hear and wow, I was so happy. Sadly, two days later 30 minutes prior to the end of shift, I was called back, told she was wrong and terminated. I thanked her, my voice broke, I re-composed myself and we chatted. She was amazing and told me to take my time, say my good-byes and don't rush. I waked back into the classroom where 4 of my training buddies were and broke down and cried, my trainer cried and one of my co-workers cried. I re-composed, wished them all the best of luck and I meant it, told them they would be great dispatchers, hugged them, gave a quilt to my trainer Donna and walked out holding my head high. I did not beg, plead, accuse them of misdoing nor did I rip my picture off the wall or any other way degrade who I am. For me that is significant as in the past I may not have held my head up, but I knew and know God has better plans for my family and for me.
- The second incident occurred this week-end. We have a deck out our back door, it was poorly designed and causes water to leak into the basement and into the carport. We have tried Gacko deck, paint, covering it in plywood and plastic during winter, hubby has built walls up, added gutters and yet, the rain finds its way in. Last summer someone suggested he put down tar and I had a fit and I mean a huge fit. In no uncertain terms I told him I would rip that deck down board by board. It was already bad enough we have spent more money for him to try to fix it than it would have cost to hire a contractor to figure it out and repair it. Not to mention the railing is falling apart and well, you get the picture. This past week, he has been diligently painting the deck with a white coating. But oh, how he is sneaky. Last night I look out and there it is, the deck is coated in black tar. I was N O T happy. But I looked at him and said, you are good, you did it, you put Tar down on the deck & I walked away. No anger, no threats to tear it down, nothing.
Several hours later I told him I am changing. He asked how and I explained about keeping quiet more instead of becoming irrational. Man, he didn't skip a beat, 'no you haven't,' walked away. This puzzled me, so I said, 'really, I haven't at all.' He asked for an example. ' I haven't torn the deck down yet or gotten in your face have I about the tar?' He looked at me, smiled and said, 'I guess you are right.'
How do we change, can we change and will we change? It all depends on us and God and asking God to change us. I am not perfect, I still get upset at things, but I am praying more for grace and when we pray and ask God to change us, He makes it possible for us to stand in grace and more forward. God gives us the strength to hold our head up, look ahead and not down and remain upright.
Thats right, with Gods grace in all circumstances, we can hold our heads up high because we know He is with us. We know this battle has already been fought and won. He gave us grace so we could keep our dignity, resist the urge to rip someones head off their shoulders and remain strong in the knowledge that we are all new creatures in Him, the great I AM, Jehoval Jirah our provider.
So today, no matter what your circumstances are, hold your head up and walk tall. You are Gods creation and He loves you!