Friday, December 9, 2011

Pain, Pain, Go Away

You can't see it, I don't use a walking device, I smile most of the time when you greet me and I tell you when asked, that I am well. I don't show it with tears or complaints on most days but it is there with me always like having a body toothache and it hurts!

You come to my home to visit and love that I have 3 children, a cat and a husband and my home is so clean all the time. I am blessed with the best help in the world, my husband who after work, helps with dinner, cleaning the kitchen and makes me sit down.

I am blessed with 3 wonderful grands who carry laundry up and down the stairs and love sitting next to me while we fold it. They ask why I sit so much now when I used to stand and do almost everything. They ask me if I have drank my water today...they know I forget and they know it is good for me to have. They help me cook and clean.

You don't see me crying when my body won't cooperate and I have to sit down to get dressed. You don't see my crying when I have to try 3 different pairs of shoes on in the morning until I find a pair my feet will fit into. You don't see me crying in pain when the pain in my left foot is so severe I can't straighten my toes.

No one not even my family sees me during the day, when I am trying to do the simple things like walk up the stairs sitting on the stairs sobbing so hard because I simply can't make it up them one more time. Or while washing my dishes my hands and back lock up and I sit in the kitchen floor sobbing and screaming...Why Me, what did I do to deserve this?

No, you see my good side. The happy side, the side I try to show because showing the other side is the ugly side of Fibromyalgia, the side no one wants to see not even me. You don't see me crying when I go to the doctor and all he does is...recommend yet another medication that makes it impossible to think on or I gain another 10 pound and listen to him tell me I am over weight & I scream out in my car in anger because....this isn't the way I planned my life!

You don't see me wince in with a broken heart when I tell you I lost my last job due my hearing failed me and you, thinking you are cute say...what? Not funny now, wasn't funny then. To you, it is a joke, to me it was another thing this insidious disease has taken away from me.

Thats what Fibromyalgia does, it takes and takes and takes and when it give back a good day once in a blue moon, it kicks your ass the next day for the next week or longer. Oh yeah, Fibro flares are real and they are agonizing, but you don't see it, because when you look at me, all you see is a whole person, not the broken one I am inside.

So, when you call and ask me if I want to go shopping, or go work out and I say no don't mock me and say, 'oh, your Fibro again,' be my friend and understand I want to do these things more than ever, I really do. I want to feel whole again, be pain free, weigh 100 pounds lighter, I want to be able to walk and think without my head being all foggy.

So, be my friend, tell me you will come over and visit me, tell me we can sit and have a cup of coffee on a park bench in the snow, tell me you understand and then, hug me because those of us who have Fibromyalgia, really need your love and support. But just don't hug to tightly!

Dedicated to all of you who suffer and know what I go through daily!

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