Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Sooooooooooooooooooo Tired

Yesterday I had to go visit my Rheumatologist and it is no small feat for me. We live in a small town and he used to come here for over 20 years however the tides that run the medical arena in our area seem to run all the good doctors away and that means I have to drive an hour in each direction.

By the time I get there, I have to pry my body out of the van because it is so stiff and sore, then we visit. He upped my pain meds if I need them, gave me a new NSAID and ordered back and leg massage (this has helped a bit in the past) & he recommends I go to a weight clinic in the area that he believes in and sees the work they do.

I really wish I could. I don't think people who work understand how tired I am of NOT working. Of being pulled like a puppet by the State of Washington to jump through hoops just to receive the unemployment that I worked my tail off to earn. No, living in the area with the highest unemployment of the state, they expect me to miraculously find 3 employers that are hiring in my area every week and apply for jobs. The jobs that are open, I couldn't do if I wanted to.

So, my doc and I visited yesterday and we filled out the required paperwork for the states rehab program...can I sit for 6 consecutive hours? No, I would need to get up frequently and move around. Can I stand for 6 consecutive hours? No, I would need to take frequent breaks. Can I lift 20 or more pounds repeatedly? No. Can I lift my arms over my head? For short intervals & dependent upon my pain level. Can I repeated use my feet and legs to operate foot pedals? Yes. Frequent stooping or bending? No. Frequent stair climbing? No.

He was as concerned as I am about how much the person sending this knows of those of us who have Fibormyalgia, but we followed their questions.

I will go back in a month. He really encouraged me to contact my health insurance providers to see if they would help with the weight loss clinic fees, after all he reminded me they pay for more drastic methods. We both know my loosing weight would be good for me, not perfect, but it would help me a bit and who knows maybe I can get voc. rehab to pay for it if I tell them it will help me climb stairs.

Today, I am exhausted and my arms and legs are being pulled by strings to get up, head out to a 2 hour mandatory meeting with unemployment to show me how to find work. I have a real lead on a job and I am hoping they can tell me how to apply, what words to use and how to get in the door. You see, they have jobs, so I know they are doing something right.

Sadly, in our area, it isn't the knowledge we have, it is the birthright of being born in our small area. People know you, everyone knows everyone, is in everyones business and they don't care about hiring the best person for the job, only the person they went to school with or their brothers wifes sisters uncle. Seriously, I have never seen so many job openings and then a short time later see that job open again and again and again.

I send out a resume and jobs are still open or they close the day my resume goes in and I get a letter post marked the same day my return receipt is post marked.

I am tired. I am depressed and I see no hope right now and that flares up my pain which causes me to be more tired. But I still believe God has a plan for me & that alone keeps me going with my family and friends who know me and know what I can do in spite of my pain.

Now, where did I put my scissors? Thats right, I am cutting my strings today!

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