I have never been a person to give up, give in or be at the mercy of someone else. Hence why many times I do not heal properly because I think my way is better than the docs way. Usually, I am WRONG! Go figure!!
I will say I quit, I give up, but there is an innate sense of, 'oh no you won't,' brewing inside of me that says I am NOT a quitter.
Having to be at the mercy of someone else exacerbates my depression and I can find many things to feel bad about, so I was determined I would NOT do that during this recovery.
It is hard to just feel it is okay to lay around and do nothing when in reality I am thinking, I should be up, hopping around doing something. However, I have almost taken a few tumbles on the walking boot with the walker just walking around, so hopping isn't really my forte.
I decided to do things for me, that will help me feel better about being out of commission right now.
I ordered not 1, but 2 pair of walking shoes in anticipation for the day my doctor says I can walk without the boot (by the way, today I hopefully get my stitches out!)
I have been wearing the same clothes for almost 8 years now and they are old and faded...I tossed out a pair of old sweatpants that were spattered with paint and ordered a set of dri-weave walking pants and hot pink shirt. Oh yes, I do plan on doing lots of walking!
I tossed out some very old make-up and ordered a nice collection of Urban Decay eye colors and everyday after the kids are off to school, I go in, scrub my face and I put make-up on to show I am worth some effort.
I ordered new perfumes. One I had my grand kids told me I smelled like an old lady when I wore it. So, loving Kat Von D, the tattoo artist and having a few tattoo's of my own, I ordered her signature scent...Sinner and it smells wonderful and yes, she has another called Saint.
So, I get up eat breakfast, check my emails, wash my face/brush my teeth, put on some perfume, make my bed, let my dog out for a bit, get my water set up by the couch, get my pillows for my leg and quilt for warmth and I lay on the couch.
Yesterday, I slept almost 5 hours straight for a nap, no pain and no pain pills. That was the first time since surgery and while I was still in my pajamas, it didn't matter because I wasn't going anywhere, I had no agenda and it was wet and rainy.
Last night, hubby came home and took us all out to dinner and then we went grocery shopping and we decided on meals for the next week that I can prepare with my limitations. I began to feel whole again and that I could once again help around the house.
So, what I have learned about this healing process, it really is about you, him, her or me. If we are the ones being told to stay down and rest, it is about doing what we are told to do, about following doctors order, about asking your church and friends to pray for you, about being an arm chair director.
When I say it is about me, I am not being condescending, I am saying, it is about me to heal. It is about me to feel good about myself so I will heal. It is about me listening to my body when it comes to healing. It is about allowing others to reach out and help me when I can't do things on my own and it is even about having to reach out and ask for help when it kills me to do so.
I am new to our area. I am without friends in this area. But I have a church I have been attending. Today, I need a ride to the doctor. I could have chosen to drive the eight miles with my walking boot on, but that would endanger myself and others on the road. Instead in a huge act of humility for me, I reached out to my new church and said, 'please can you help me.'
The reply was, someone will be there to pick you up and take you to the doctor. This will be someone I probably do not know, but I know God has engineered this so it will bless us both!
When you are in a position of needing help or needing to rest, remember this...it is about you if you are to heal!