Monday, October 19, 2015

We Cannot Choose Who Our Children Like

My 14 year old granddaughter is doing a bit better since her suicide attempt, but I find we are still walking on egg shells a bit around her to ensure she doesn't go into a melt down mode.

During her entire ordeal, she has had an amazing young man by her side, he came to the hospital twice and just sat by her. He went to the intake center with her and held her hand until we had to go.

He has been by her side at school everyday to make sure she is doing alright and comes over just to help her with homework. He even invited her to Homecoming...and as you can see, she was extremely happy.

 What no one saw was the teen angst she had several hours before and had a full blown anxiety/panic attack when she realized she was going to a dance and couldn't dance. He did everything he could to reassure her it was okay, he can't dance either.

With the love of her family and her dad's girlfriend and the plan that one of us would be out in the parking lot if she decided to NOT stay, she calmed down. When she came down the hall, she was crying because she realized how beautiful she is and that smile is happiness.

Fast forward, they spent just over an hour at the dance...she said it wasn't what she expected, saw friends and talked with them, had their picture taken and went outside and danced (it was so hot in the school), then they decided they wanted ice cream and left.

Her dad and his GF took them to Dairy Queen and the young man and her walked over to another place and got dinner and then came here, changed and went to GF's to watch a movie and then to take him home.

Yesterday, she announces she is going to start 'dating,' (a term I really loathe with kids, because they don't date...just see each other at school) a football player. 

I asked her if the young man above knew this? She told us she had been telling him over and over they are just friends, however, we pointed out her actions don't match the talk.  

What did she know about the football player? Is he in any of her classes? Did he just break up with a girl and is using her? When does she talk to him...mostly, DOES the other young man know this or is she going to blindside him at school?

This morning, she is confused as to why the young man who took her to homecoming is mad at her. I told her he wasn't mad, he is extremely hurt, because he truly cares for her (no one else came to the hospital and sat for hours with her), he thought she felt the same way. She said she told him over and over they were just friends!

He told her he would see her at school. He understands now, he is JUST a friend and nothing more and it would be best for awhile at least if they don't talk to one another.

I then asked her if the 'new,' young man was aware that she attempted suicide? That she suffers from horrible panic attacks? That she has a crisis team on call 24/7. She said no to each and that it wasn't something that he needed to know.

I agree in part, but I also told her the rumor mill at school will out her and then what? The young man that broke her heart the day she decided life wasn't worth living, is very vindictive and I told her that HE would let him know.  

We cannot protect our children from life. We cannot wrap them in bubble wrap to prevent scrapes, cuts and bruises, we cannot protect their hearts from heart break, we cannot force them to be happy or be a doctor if they truly want to be a mechanic.  While I know there are helicopter parents who think they can, sooner or later their child will want to shed their shadows and be their own person.

We also, cannot protect the hearts of those our children break. We have to allow our children to live through the process of life no matter how painful it is to watch.

I know that I broke some hearts growing up and had my heart broken and moved on, was made stronger, wiser and learned that NOT everyone we like will like us and vice versa.

We do not live in a society where we choose our children's future, only that we try to guide them down the right path and that path will always be paved with choices, some easy and some not so easy!

I do believe however, that since Friday, I have developed many new gray hairs and this is just our first grandchild to be in high school! Oh, Lord help us!!


1 comment:

Tawa said...

I have been here with our Daughter. Time has healed some, but my prayers are with you.